Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize