I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
