my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
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Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
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Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"