I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.