ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship