Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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