I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
