Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
