I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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