please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
