He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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