You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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