I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
