I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize