his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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