hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
worst night to have a conscience
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
