I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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