Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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