My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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