garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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