PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
