Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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