that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
