Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
