So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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