I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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