Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
