How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
