I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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