her vagine was all disorganized.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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