New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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