god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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