I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security