Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want to have your abortion
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
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Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
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Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.