This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.