im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.