I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.