You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
