is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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