I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The ass gains better be worth it
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