I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
