I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
