dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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