Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
