I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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