Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
