she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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