Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize