Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
