nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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