so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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