Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
