Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize