Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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