he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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