If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
