Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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